


Pleasure and Pain (Kylo Ren x Reader)

by Dceline96



Category: Kylo Ren - Fandom, ben solo - Fandom, smut - Fandom, starwars
Genre: Academia, Angst, Bartender - Freeform, College, Dark Academia, F/M, History teachers are hot, Kylo Ren is your History Professor, Professor Ren, Starwars Easter Eggs, You bang your professor, at first, hook ups, hot history professor, only you didn't know he was your professor, smut warning, sorry - Freeform, sorry for the spoiler, you do it in the library
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:47:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27782458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dceline96/pseuds/Dceline96
Summary: Kylo Ren Modern AUReader Self-Insert**Smut Warning**New chapters will be posted more frequently once I finish my current story, As You Like It"Kylo Ren wasn't used to a fight when it came to women. It was a kind of a gift he had, the ability to take his pick of any woman in any room that he walked in to. That's how he thought she would be too- and she was. At first. But now here she was, the bartender, this child, resisting him- challenging him every chance she got and it was driving him fucking insane."-Excerpt from Part 5 'The Bartender'You work as a bartender part time at the popular college bar Maz's. One night at work you and a handsome stranger hit it off and things get hot and heavy but when Monday morning rolls around you find yourself face to face with the same hot stranger from the bar only now he's no stranger. He's Professor Ren.
Relationships: Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 8
Kudos: 73





	1. Scotch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a normal night at work when a hot stranger comes along and turns your life upside down.

  
Tonight you found your crowd of regulars mingling with a whole lot of new faces you didn't recognize. 

Usually the influx of strangers would be a cause for annoyance, more new people meant more drunk dudes trying to hit on you or even worse--trying to make you laugh.

But tonight was different. 

It was the last Friday before the start of the winter semester so most of the new faces were too busy talking amongst themselves to bother you. The nearly double in tips you made tonight didn't hurt either.

You were about a third of the way through your shift, busy trying to understand a too drunk girl who, you _think_ was ordering another tequila sunrise? You made her one, sans the tequila and told her it was on the house before you started cleaning up your station, mindlessly wiping down the counter when you noticed him. He was tall, _very_ tall, and handsome; thick dark hair kissing his jawline. His eyes met yours and for some reason you felt yourself falter under his gaze. You watched as he made his way towards you, body buzzing with nervous excitement as he sat himself in your section.

You swallowed hard, internally chastising yourself. It wasn't like you to get nervous with new customers. Taking a moment to collect yourself, you motioned to Finn, pointing to the drunk girl who was practically asleep on her stool. He nodded, skillfully maneuvering through the crowd to come keep an eye on her. 

Babysitting definitely wasn't part of his job description as a bouncer but he liked you and was an all around good guy so he helped you keep an eye on your patrons. Particularly the more _vulnerable_ ones like tequila sunrise over here. 

He smiled at you as he took his spot behind her, giving you a nod; your unspoken go-ahead.

_'I got this.'_

You turned away, quickly adjusting your cleavage in your low cut top (anything to get those tips) before turning to greet your sultry customer. To your annoyance, though definitely not surprise, you saw your coworker Aurra sauntering over to him.

She tilted her head, puffing her chest just slightly, "hi! Welcome to Maz's! I'm-"

"In my section," you spit, cutting her off. She turned to you as you plastered a large fake smile across your face, making it a point to bat your eyelashes at her. She rolled her eyes as she walked away and you stepped up to take her place, turning your attention to mister tall, dark and handsome. "Hi," you cooed, reaching out to shake his hand, introducing yourself. You allowed yourself a subtle onceover, noticing the extremely nice watch that was peeking out from beneath the cuff of his suit jacket.

You leaned in a little closer, playfully squeezing your tits together just enough to catch his eye. "What can I get you?"

"What kind of Scotch do you have?" his velvet timbre sending a chill down your spine. 

You were convinced he was getting hotter by the second...if that was even possible.

You shook your head, preparing to disappoint him, "oh baby, this is a shitty college bar. We've got bourbon but that's about as good as it gets." 

You were flirting, unabashedly so but he didn't seem to mind.

He let out a resigned chuckle, nodding his head as his eyes narrowed at you, "I'll take whatever you got."

You shot him a quick wink before turning around, reaching for the nicest bottle of whisky you had to offer. You could have sworn you felt his eyes on you, trailing down your back, watching your every move. You made it a point to keep your back to him just a little bit longer than you normally would have, letting him savor the view. When you turned around, you found your intuition to be correct, his eyes glued to you, large fingers pressed to his perfectly sumptuous lips. You felt yourself blush as you prepared his drink, gently sliding across the counter to him. 

"Here you go," you said with a smile. "Anything else I can get-"

" _Two beers please_ ," you were interrupted a drunk guy being _way_ too loud. You reluctantly turned away from Scotch to find a douchy meat head leaning on the bar. You gave him your most resigned customer service smile, internally rolling your eyes as you reached for two of your cheapest beers. You stuck out your hand for the cash, him slapping it into your palm before you handed off the bottles. 

"Keep the change _sweet cheeks_ ," he slurred, throwing you an unimpressive wink as he turned to rejoin his group. This time you really did roll your eyes. 

You looked down at your hand, a sigh pulling from your chest as you did the mental math. 

"45 cent tip, _nice,"_ you muttered to yourself, making your way to the register. You glanced up at your section as you fiddled with the archaic machine, realizing that Scotch had been staring at you the entire time. 

You pocketed your _oh so generous_ tip as you made your way back to him, briefly peeking at Tequila Sunrise on the way. She was still asleep, Finn still standing close. You threw him a smile, mouthing a thank you before turning back to Scotch. 

"I'm sorry about that," you breathed, leaning forward on the bar. "Is there anything else I can get _you..._ " You let the silence hang for a minute, hoping he would get the hint.

"Kylo," he said, sipping his drink.

' _Perceptive_ ,' you thought to yourself. ' _That's a nice change of pace_.'

"Kylo," you let his name drip from your lips like honey, sweet and slow. He chuckled and for a moment you could have sworn you saw his cheeks start to burn red--but that was probably just the shitty bourbon.

"No, I'm ok. Thank you," he said, swirling the thick amber liquid in his glass.

"Well," your voice a soft purr, "if you need anything else, you know where to find me." You smiled, letting you gaze linger on him for a moment before turning your attention back to Tequila Sunrise. You gently patted her arm, making sure she was still alivewhen you felt his eyes on you. 

You glanced over your shoulder, your gaze once again finding his. 

_He's flirting back.  
_

_  
  


Your night continued on pretty much as normal, eventually a woman came and collected Tequila Sunrise, you had to cut off a couple of drunk guys and tell them to leave but nothing crazy. 

Well, there was _one_ thing different about tonight...Scotch-- _Kylo--_ stayed the rest of your shift, ordering another couple of drinks. You found yourself impressed with his tolerance, even a few drinks in he never once slurred his words. You two would chat periodically, mostly just filler before you had to pull your attention to another task but he was always there waiting for you when you were finished.

"What time do you get off?" Kylo asked, his eyes lingering on yours. Your heart hammered in your chest, suddenly your throat felt scorched.

You peeked at the time on your phone, "about 20 minutes," you said meekly.

He nodded as he slid large bill, more than enough to cover his tab, and a folded napkin over to you. You couldn't help but look confused as you glanced back at him, positive he didn't actually mean to give you this much. 

He simply stood up, rapping his knuckles on the counter. "Keep the change... _sweet cheeks_."

You stifled a giggle, taking the bill, the napkin and his glass. His hand lingered on the bar as he turned away and for a split second you felt your heart sink. You weren't sure _what_ you were expecting from your interactions all night but watching him walk away stung. 

You tried to shake your unearned disappointment as you turned your attention to the folded napkin. You unfurled it, immediately noting his beautiful penmanship.

 _'I'll be outside'_ followed by a phone number.

Your heart skipped a beat, butterflies swarming in your belly. You bit back a smile as you pocketed the note, fixing your attention to getting out of here as quickly as possible.

_

You managed to clock out in record time, counting your drawer before turning it in to Hux in the back office. You slipped out the front door, waving goodbye to Finn as the icy Philly air nipped at your cheeks. You scanned the sidewalk, hoping to find him right away, disappointment flourishing in your chest when you didn't. You turned your attention to your phone--pulling the folded up napkin out of your pocket. You hurriedly typed his number in, looking around as the call rang in your ear. 

"Hello?" his rich baritone was like music to your ears.

"Hey, it's me," you said, biting your lip as your eyes darted around your surroundings. That's when you spotted him, when _he_ spotted _you_.

Like a predator lunging at its prey, he closed the distance between you in a only a few strides. You hung up the phone, barley even able to put it back in your pocket before his arms were wrapping around your waist, his lips meeting yours. Your body was ridged with shock at first but in no time you felt yourself melt into him, your mouths moving in perfect unison.

That's when you realized it _probably_ wasn't a good look for you to be making out with a total stranger in front of your place of employment. You pulled away, trying to stay in control of your breathing as you looked up at him. 

"My place?" you whispered between lust laden breaths. His gaze darkened, hands squeezing your hips beneath your jacket. You took that as a yes, pulling out your phone and hurriedly ordering an Uber. He moved behind you as you waited, his already hard cock jamming into your back as he buried his face into the crook of your neck. You were struggling to keep yourself under control, your body shivering with anticipation as you waited for your ride. Thankfully you didn't have to wait long, leading the way into the car as a large hand grabbed your ass.

You'd be lying if you said the ride back to your place wasn't a least a _little_ awkward. The electricity between your bodies was palpable, your urgent desire for each other boiling just beneath the surface. You wanted to climb on top of him and fuck him right here but obviously that wasn't an option so instead you did what you always do. Casual small talk. You chatted with the driver, trying desperately to ignore Kylo's hand on your thigh, slowly massaging his way closer to your pussy. Periodically you would glance at him, his lips curling into a smirk before placing a tender kiss to your jaw, your throat, really anywhere he could.

"Thank you," you half sung as you climbed out of the backseat. Kylo didn't even bother wait for the car to pull away before his mouth was back on yours, the movements of his lips lecherous and greedy. You let your hands wander, ever so lightly grazing against the tent of his pants. You felt his cock twitch under your touch, a strangled moan leaking from his chest.

He snatched your hand from his crotch, clutching it against his firm abdomen. "Let's go," he said, his voice dominant yet soft, like the words on his lips were only ever meant for your ears and your ears alone. All you could manage was a nod of your head, sucking in a quivering breath as your cunt pulsed with excitement.

You made it to your apartment in record time, barley even getting through your front door before you started stripping out of your clothes. He helped you, if you could call it that, out of your coat, tossing it to the floor before doing the same with his. Next came your shirt, ripped over your head and thrown to the side.

"Pants," he demanded. Your chest was heaving as you stepped back from him, pulling off your boots before unbuttoning your jeans and peeling them down your legs. Soon you found yourself standing in front of him, this perfect stranger, in nothing but your bra and underwear while he was still dressed to the nines.

_Thank god I decided to match today._

"Knees," the depth of his voice nearly stole your breath. This isn't how you pictured tonight going but hey, _why the fuck not right?_

Your eyes never left his as you fell to your knees, your face now mere inches from his restrained desire. His hands went to his belt, moving _painfully_ slow. You watched every muscle in his large veiny hand contract and relax as he pulled his cock free, brushing it against your lips. You couldn't help but whimper as you took in his size. You should have known, the man is a _giant_.

Without needing any further instruction your hands found his hips as you positioned your mouth to meet head of his cock. You gripped him at the base, his tip hot and soft as it pushed past your supple lips. You took him into your mouth, slowly at first, making firm circles with your tongue as you moaned on him. You felt his body start to relax as you took him deeper into your throat, pushing past the point of resistance, allowing him to dive down your throat. You couldn't explain it but you were desperate to impress this man, this _stranger_. He was enthralled with you, taking in the sight of your pretty little mouth stretching around his cock, your eyes welling with tears as he fucked your throat. His hand found the back of your head, twisting itself in your hair as you bobbed on him. He started moving your head faster, his moans mingling with the lewd soundtrack of your throat taking all of him.

By now your clit was buzzing, _begging_ for any kind of friction. Not wanting to pull your hands from him, you squeezed your thighs together, a satisfied moan vibrating your throat.

 _"Your mouth feels fucking incredible,"_ he whispered through his teeth, his hand moving to wrap around your throat. "So fucking pretty." Spurred on by his praise you moved your head faster, letting his hips snap forward with an intoxicating ferocity. Mascara mingled with your tears as they broke the crest of your cheek, saliva dripping from your mouth and onto your heaving chest. You could feel his body growing slack, his motions becoming sloppy. He was close, your mouth pulling his orgasm from him.

Then...he stopped.

He pulled himself from your throat, a thick rope of spit cascading down your chin. You didn't realize how oxygen starved you had been until your airway was clear, your body sucking in desperate breaths. He leaned down, his face inches from yours as he wiped away the mess on your face. He stared at you, something indistinguishable flashing across his eyes. He pulled you into a kiss, tongue memorizing how you tasted and you felt your body melt under him. How he managed to do this to you, you didn't understand but it was absolutely _addictive_.

He pulled you to stand, his mouth never once leaving yours. His hands slid down your back, landing on your ass as he hoisted you into the air. You instinctively wrapped your body around him as pulled from the kiss, his eyes searching for a place to take you.

He settled on the kitchen counter.

He lowered you, the cold counter sending a ripple of gooseflesh across your body. He lifted your legs and helped position your feet to rest on either side of you. You were spread open for him, your cunt practically on full display, covered only by the thin fabric of your panties. He stepped back, drinking you in as he moved to unbutton his shirt. His eyes lingered on your pussy as he quickly undressed, his expensive clothes being tossed to the side like they were worthless to him. Soon he was standing completely naked in front of you, his body seemingly carved from stone as he pumped his cock--gleaming with your saliva.

You expected him to fuck you right then, to trap you in his grip and sink himself into your cunt but instead he dropped to his knees, positioning his beautiful face between your thighs. You sucked in a nervous breath as strong hands gripped your hips, thick fingers hooking into your underwear.

The sudden sound of tearing fabric snapped through the air; _he ripped your fucking underwear off your body_. You gasped, shock and excitement shooting through you, resonating in your pussy. He dipped his head closer, laving at your core as he collected your sex on his tongue. You let out a whimper as his tongue circled your clit, sucking it gingerly between his lips. His mouth on your cunt was euphoric, your entire body growing warm as he worked you.

The pace of his tongue quickened, expertly flicking a barrage of patterns to your clit as his obscenely large hands massaged your thighs. You found yourself bucking your hips towards him, your sanity melting away the harder he squeezed you, pressing bruises into your soft flesh. 

" _Oh god_ ," you mewled, your fingers raking through his thick dark hair, your chin falling to your chest as wanton gasps shook your body.

_You were going to cum. This intoxicating stranger from the bar was going to make you cum on his beautiful face and it was fucking exhilarating._

You pawed at his head, your breathing desperate. " _I'm gonna cum_ -" you whimpered, fingers wrapping themselves in his thick locks. His tongue dipped into you in response to the tension at his scalp. You were _so_ close, teetering on the edge when he pulled his mouth from you, your body shuddering from the sudden lack of stimulation. You nearly collapsed as he stood but a hand quickly gripped the back of your neck, supporting you as he pulled your mouth to his. The tang of your sex mingling with the soft heat of his tongue in your mouth made you moan, your hips jutting towards him, pussy desperate for release. 

His hand found the clasp of your bra, large, dexterous fingers unfastening it with ease. You shimmied your shoulders forward and it fell between your bodies, your hand carelessly throwing it to the ground. Now your bodies were pressed together, your heart fluttering at the realization that there was absolutely nothing between you to damper the sensation of his skin on yours.

He lined himself up to enter you, the slick of your cunt already coating his head. Your eyes met as he slowly pushed into you, your pussy stretching, sending a shock of immeasurable pleasure through your core. His other hand was still on the back of your head, holding you to him as your strength started to wane. His gaze dropped down, forehead resting on yours as he watched his cock emerge from the heat of your cunt, glistening with your arousal.

" _Fuck_ ," he spit, eyes locking on yours. Your mouths met so suddenly that you clacked teeth, your desperation for each other palpable in your kiss. Without warning, he pulled away, taking your face in his hands.

" _You're dangerous,_ " he said, voice barely above a whisper.

Confusion flashed through your mind before he slammed back into you, his cock stealing your thoughts. A string of curses and mewlings fell from your lips as his pace quickened. The rutt of his hips was merciless, the lewd sounds of smacking skin richoteching through your otherwise silent apartment. 

His broad, muscular body pressed to yours. His musk, the feeling of him filling you so completely, it was enough to push you over the edge. " _Oh my god_ ," you whimpered.

He fucked you, _hard_ , as your orgasm drew close. As if he could sense it, he held your face to his, foreheads pressed together again. "You're going to be good and cum on my cock, do you hear me?" His voice didn't even sound human. You nodded desperately as you were overcome with insatiable heat. Pleasure ripped through you, your arms holding onto him as your orgasm strangled you. Your limbs went numb, your breathing erratic and the whole time his pace never slowed. He held you there, fucking you through your peak as your body crashed, molding into his.

"Such a good girl," he breathed into your ear, your body shuttering with each of his powerful thrusts. "Are you on birth control?" he whispered into your neck. You immediately nodded your head, feeling incredibly grateful to past you for getting the implant. 

"Good," he said, voice so low it was almost a growl.

That's when you felt it, his pace becoming irregular as he lost himself in you. His head fell to your shoulder as he buried himself in the warmth of your cunt. You felt him press desperate kisses to your flesh as he pumped his load into you, pushing deep into your belly.

You two stayed there, bodies entangled, a mixture of your cum leaking onto your kitchen counter. You wanted to look at him, wanted to pull him into a kiss but you were frozen; and so it seemed was he. So you stayed perfectly still, basking in your orgasm as his voice echoed through your mind.

_You're dangerous._


	2. Professor Ren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet the hot new professor...but he's kind of a prick.

It had been a few days since you'd taken home the handsome stranger from the bar...but you couldn't get him out of your head. It didn't matter what you did, what you tried to occupy your time with- he was always right there at the forefront of your mind.

His smell, the sound of his voice, the feeling of his-

You felt _pathetic_. It didn't help that you had texted him the next day and got no response. It was nothing crazy- just a simple 'hey, I had fun last night', but it went unanswered. You had been rejected before but this, this somehow hurt worse. He hadn't even really _rejected_ you, in fact he hadn't really said anything to you, slipping out of your apartment while you were still in the shower. At first you just figured he probably felt weird hanging around, and maybe he did, but you really thought there was a connection between you two. You _felt_ it and you could have sworn he felt it too.

But apparently it was all in your head.

You mindlessly clicked your pen as you waited on Rey, trying to get comfortable in the stiff chair of the lecture hall. You glanced over your syllabus one more time,

_'HIST 340- History of Bodies in Science, Technology, and Medicine'_   
_We broadly consider the body as a "vessel" of the human experience. This semester we will explore what the human body meant to different cultures in different eras, examining the ways in which science, technology, and medicine have investigated, depicted and intervened in human bodies in the late-modern era. Our main objective of this course is to try and shed a light on culture more broadly: on modern ideas of human difference and commonalities. Of normalcy and deviance, of pleasure and pain._

Of pleasure and pain... _how_ _poetic_ , you scoffed to yourself.

Everyone at this school is always so fucking full of themselves, professors and students alike.

You watched as a few other students filed in, probably wanting to get first glimpse at the alleged hot new professor too. Finally Rey bounded in, her usual energetic pep radiating from each step. You couldn't help but smile, she was one of the few good things that came out of going to this dreary old school.

"You see him yet?" Rey slid into the chair next to you as you rolled your eyes, trying to stifle a laugh.

"No," you lifted the syllabus, waving it in the air, "but he _better_ be hot if this is drudgery he's going to put us through this semester."

She giggled, pulling her laptop and binder from her bag. You envied her, how put together she always was. Part of you had hoped she'd rub off on you over the years but alas, here you were, still the chaotic mess you'd been since high school.

"Oh! Did _Scotch_ ever answer you?" She was wiggling her eyebrows at you, her silliness pulling an unwitting laugh from your chest.

"Nothing but radio silence." You shook your head, tongue pressing against your teeth as you fought off the memory of his body on yours. "It's whatever. At least he tipped well." You casually shrugged off your words as you started doodling in the margins of your notebook.

"I'd say," she winked at you, giving you a playful shove.

You two laughed as you turned your focus to preparing your individual work spaces. You watched the clock as it ticked closer and closer to the start of class when you heard heavy footsteps coming from behind you. Rey immediately whipped her head around, not even pretending to hide her intrigue. You pulled at her tunic, trying to encouraging her to turn back around- your eyes never leaving your mindless doodles. "Could you be _more_ obvious?" You whispered at her.

She leaned into you, her excited energy finding it's new home in you. "He _is_ cute." You shook your head, trying to ignore her when from the corner of your eye you spotted a statuesque figure walking towards the desk in the front of the lecture hall.

You looked up, shoving Rey's hand away as she playfully jabbed at your side.

And then you saw _him_.

Scotch.

 _Kylo_.

You felt all the color drain from your face as you watched his brain register who you were.

" _Shit,_ " you mumbled under your breath as you stood up from your chair. Your body was on autopilot, carrying you out of the room as fast as your legs could go. You could feel the heat of his eyes on your back as he watched you basically run away.

You ran to the bathroom, nearly knocking over whoever had the misfortune of being in your path. You crashed against the wall, trying desperately to get a hold of yourself. You felt your phone ping, a shaky hand reached into your pocket, half expecting a text from _him_. Thankfully it was just Rey.

_Are you okay?! What the fuck was that?_

You tried to steady your fingers as you typed your response.

_It's him, Rey. That's Scotch._

Eventually you collected yourself enough to try to sneak back into class. You seriously considered saving yourself the humiliation and just skipping but you knew realistically that wasn't an option. In part because you didn't work your ass off to be in the top of your class for your random one night stand to come along and fuck it up for you. But also...out of spite. You knew that whatever you were feeling, he had to have been feeling it 10 times worse. After all, you aren't the one who fucked a student. He was apparently your new professor, sure, but you didn't know that when you had his cock down your throat. You were a student with plausible deniability and he had way more to lose than you did.

You found that realization comforting in the most fucked up of ways as you slipped back into class, avoiding bringing attention to yourself as much as humanly possible.

"And you must be Ms," your last name falling from his lips sent a wave of electricity through your body. You nodded as you looked up at him briefly, trying to avoid any eye contact. "Let's hope this - running out of class thing doesn't become a _habit_ for you."

You felt heat cloak your body, pooling in your face. There is no fucking way he was trying to embarrass you on the first day. Your heart started knocking against your chest as your eyes flew to his. "Class hadn't even started when I left, are you ser-"

"That's enough. _Sit_." It felt like all of the air had suddenly been sucked out of the room, his tone the same as when he had ordered you to your knees.

You found yourself more irritated than embarrassed as you moved to your seat but you were definitely angry- with him but also with yourself for your warped attraction to him. You sucked your teeth as you sat back in your chair, not breaking eye contact with him until your weight had completely sunk into the seat.

"Thank you. _Now_ , I'll have you all know that I am notone to play games. I do not do extensions. I do not do extra credit. My time is important and limited so I will not _chase after you_ ," his eyes briefly found yours again before he moved on, "for your work. Class participation is extremely important to your grade. I want this to be an open forum so use your brains and be apart of the discussion. Now, I trust you have all read the syllabus so we'll move past that."

You listened to him drone on, the heat in your gut pulling your attention away from whatever Scotch-Kylo- _fuck_ , Professor Ren, was saying. Thankfully the first class was just attendance anyway so you didn't really need or care to listen, "open forum" be damned. You tried to ignore Rey's frequent prods, finally caving after she shoved her notebook towards you, a short note sprawled in curling letters in the corner of the page.

_'Professor Ren is the guy from the bar?!'_

You sighed as you turned to your own notebook, scratching your response down, mimicking her placement.

_'Yes.'_

You felt her body tense as she processed what was happening. All you could do was give her a resigned nod, sucking your lips between your teeth.

The next hour went by painfully slow. Just as you were convinced that your eyes would fall out from rolling so much he _finally_ finished his spiel, assigning some reading before dismissing the class.

And you fucked off as fast as humanly possible.

The rest of your day was a haze, unwanted flashbacks of Professor Ren's cock choking you frequently finding their way into your mind. You couldn't focus, you couldn't think about anything else. It was infuriating.

Sitting in the student lounge, you dug your folder for his class out of your bag, searching for his listed office hours. _M-W 4:30pm to 6:30pm, Room 1220, Exegol Hall_. You checked your phone.

_5:47pm_

You shoved your folder back into your bag, standing and steadying your resolve as you pushed your way through the heavy wooden doors. You weren't exactly sure what you hoped to gain from seeing him. Answers maybe? Sex was _certainly_ off the table...

Your mind was cloudy as your legs carried you to Exegol Hall, your heart threatening to beat out of your chest. Before you knew it, you were standing in front of his door listening to the muffled sounds of ruffling papers coming from inside.

You anxiously double checked the name plate, making sure you were in the right place.

Professor Kylo Ren

_Shit_.

_Well, here goes nothing._

Your body took over- knocking for you. And then you waited.

And waited.

You were about to lose your nerve and leave when you finally heard his voice coming from behind the door.

"Come in."

Your hand trembled as you reached for the handle. You took a deep breath as you pushed the door open and stepped inside. You moved aside as the door shut, closing with a distinctive click. His eyes were fixated on you from the moment the you entered the small room. He looked genuinely surprised to see you, not that you could blame him. You felt genuinely surprised that you were actually standing here too.

Unwelcome flashbacks of him fucking you, his naked body pressed against yours, the hush of his voice when he told you that you were _dangerous_....

That's when something clicked for you.

"Did you know?" Your words cut through the silence.

He dropped his pen, a strong hand rubbing his jaw.

"Did you _know_ who I was?" You stepped closer to him, rage starting to manipulate your body.

"Don't flatter yourself, I have a lot of students." He pushed himself to stand, his hands supporting his weight against the desk.

"Oh, so you _cum_ in _all_ your students then?" your words were brimming with resentment. You hadn't realized how truly fucking _angry_ you were until now.

"Keep your _voice down_ ," he slammed his hands against the desk, sending a shock wave of excitement through your disobedient cunt. You two stood there, rage seething from both of your bodies; at each other, at yourselves, at your situation as a whole.

"I think it's best you leave, Ms," he spit your last name at you with nothing but venom.

"No." You stood firm, never once dropping his gaze.

"Leave. _Now_." He walked around his desk, reaching for the door knob but you put your foot in the way, the door jamming against the sole of your sneaker. Hot breath rolled across your face as Ren stepped closer to you, too close. " _Move. Your. Foot_." he spoke through gritted teeth.

" _No_." You puffed your chest bringing your bodies even closer. His eyes cut into you, his face so close to yours that you could see his jaw quivering. "I tell drunk frat guys to fuck off for a living. You don't scare me, _Professor_." You were mocking him; challenging him.

" _Well maybe I should_ ," his body suddenly slammed you against the wall, your breath abandoning your lungs with a violent huff. You looked up at him, eyes wide. He was so close that you could feel his body tense against yours. Your gaze briefly fell to his lips, the same lips that had been pressed to your cunt only a few days ago. He was intimidating, sure, but you're stubborn. You moved your face closer to him, your lips just barely brushing against his. You felt his body shudder when he realized that you had no intention of backing down.

His eyes narrowed at you, neither one of you willing to make the first move.

"You're a _coward_ , Kylo Ren." You watched your words slice through him. Satisfied with his reaction, you turned to leave but quickly found a hand gripping your throat, pinning you back against the wall. A surprised yelp fell from your lips as your brain registered what was happening. His mouth was suddenly on yours, pure rage and lust seething from his lips. He pushed his hips against you, his hard cock painfully ramming into your belly.

Suddenly your brain and body were at war. Your brain was screaming, telling you to hit him, to push him off of you and run out the door but your body refused to move. Your greedy cunt practically begging him to fuck you right here, where anyone could walk in and catch you.

With one hand still on your throat, the other dipped under the hem of your leggings and into your underwear, quickly finding your clit. His fingers were unforgiving as they made quick hard passes over you nub. It took everything in you to fight the urge to fall apart, to crumble under his touch. He sensed your resistance, increasing his speed.

"You _will_ be mindful of how you speak to me, _or else,_ " his hand released his grip on your throat, quickly moving to cover your mouth as two of his fingers plunged into you. You whimpered into his hand, your resolve to resist him—to your horror—crumbling before your eyes. "That's what I thought," his breath was hot on the nape of your neck.

Seemingly out of nowhere, you pulled the strength within yourself to push him off of you. You threw your arms up, digging your forearms into his chest and shoving with all your strength. He stumbled backwards, surprised by the sudden blow to his body. You two stared at each other, chests heaving and shock pouring from both of you. You wanted to fuck him, _oh god_ did you want to fuck him, but you had more self respect than that. You had to. He wants to act big and tough, fine, but if working at Maz's has taught anything it's that you don't back down when someone threatens you.

You adjusted your clothes, avoiding his gaze, knowing that you were working with borrowed confidence.

"Fuck you, Scotch."

You stormed out of his office, your cunt practically screaming at you to turn around let him bend you over his desk, but you ignored her. You hurriedly made your way to the exit, refusing to look back.

But you heard him. Heard the sound of his hand catching the door, of his heavy footsteps starting to chase after you but stopping in the hallway. You wanted him to watch you leave, wanted his cock to ache for you so badly it hurt.

You felt your confidence solidify as you pushed through the double doors, spilling back out into the snow courtyard.

If it's a power struggle Professor Ren wanted, it was a power struggle he was going to get.


	3. Winter Break

What had come next after Ren's office had been nothing short of a nonverbal fight to the death.

It started slow, awkward. You'd ignore him, never meeting his gaze in class, doing the bare minimum to maintain a good grade but after a few weeks of you consistently pretending he didn't exist, he seemed to reach the precipice, diving head first into unabashed cruelty.

He started calling on you,  _ always _ when he was sure you weren't paying attention. It became a sick game of cat and mouse, him waiting for the  _ one second  _ where your focus shifted before calling you out in front of the whole class, leaving you to muddy out some bullshit response.

It made you want to fucking scream.

At first you tried to make sure he never caught you off guard but it felt like he was making his lectures purposely insufferable, droning on and on about what felt like nothing until your mind had no choice but to zone out.

And today, the last class before winter break, was no different.

You weren't sure why you expected it to be, maybe some part of you hoping he'd leave you alone as some soft of twisted Christmas present, but no.

He droned on and on until you found yourself doodling a string of lights in the margin of your notes, only to find yourself being called on, with 10 minutes left of class no less.

"Well, Ms," your last name was pointed as it flew from his lips, almost as if it were meant to be an insult.

_ 'I don't fucking know, man. Can't you pick on literally anyone else for one fucking day?' _

Is what you wanted to say.

"Well," you wracked your brain, trying to think of what he had been talking about before you zoned out. "Deviancy is subjective. It can and does vary wildly between cultures and time periods so trying to view _ it _ and the human body through a singular lens just doesn't work."

Ren's eyes narrowed at you, jaw tensing slightly. He clearly wasn't expecting you to actually have an answer at all...though yours probably didn't make any fucking sense in the context of whatever he was saying before. "Quite a vague response. Care to elaborate?"

Ren eased himself to lean against the desk, crossing his feet at the ankles. He was staring at you,  _ directly _ at you. You felt the world around you melt away as Ren became your singular focus. He was challenging you, in front of everyone,  _ yet a-fucking-gain. _

You sighed, rolling your eyes as you mindlessly clicked your pen. Then a brilliantly shitty idea came to mind. If this is how he wanted to be, the game he wanted to play, so be it. 

You straightened your posture, allowing your eyes to settle directly on his for the first time in what felt like forever. "Well, take relationships that have a drastic power imbalance, for example. An under age or lower class woman and an older man, usually in a position of power." You watched his adam's apple bob in his throat and you hoped he was picturing his hand down your pants. "In a modern context, that kind of relationship is viewed as inappropriate and as such, women are mostly afforded more autonomy whereas 40, 50 years ago, those relationships were viewed as normal, unproblematic. Thus women were treated primarily as property."

He stared at you for just a second too long and you felt whatever shred of confidence you had just built up wither away. You glanced at the clock, only a few more minutes left of class. You decided to get once last jab in, swallowing before opening you mouth to speak, "Women no longer accept just laying down and  _ being a play thing _ for men. Because of that we've forced the view of the human body, particularly  _ women's _ bodies, to shift. Fit our more... _ progressive  _ ideologies."

You felt your body collapse just slightly as the last word fell from your lips, as if it had pulled your breath out with it. After half a second more, Ren's eyes broke away from you, turning his focus to address the rest of the class. "Nice to see what miss," your last name yet again feeling like an attack, falling like acid on his tongue, "-lacks in attention span, she makes up for in quick thinking." He pushed himself off the desk, not bothering to look at you.

You rolled your eyes, not even able to enjoy your small win on Ren because of his uncanny ability to undermine literally  _ anything and everything _ you do.

You started shoving your notebook in your bag, fully prepared to run out the door as fast as possible as Ren made his way to the whiteboard, erasing his annoyingly beautiful handwriting. "I'm expecting your papers to be of a much higher quality when we come back, given the extended period of time you'll have to work on them." He wiped his hands together as he turned to face the class again, almost making it a point to not look at you. "I'll know if you procrastinate and write it at the last minute." He glanced at his watch, brows furrowing for a second. "Alright, class dismissed. Enjoy your holiday."

You shot up, practically elbowing Rey in the face.

"Woah there," she said, skillfully dodging your flailing appendage.

"Shit-sorry," you said, easing backwards enough to allow her room to stand. "I just...don't want to be here any longer than I-"

"No, no, I get it. But before you run off I just wanted to say..." her eyes widened, "I'm going to miss you," she whined, pulling you into a tight hug.

You patted her back awkwardly, her strong hold sending bolts of electric pain through your shoulder blades. " _ Ow _ , dude,  _ too tight," _ you struggled, groaning and giggling as she released you from her vice grip of a hug. "I'm going to miss you too," you said, looking at her as you kneaded your newly sore shoulder. "It's only two weeks."

"I know but I feel like I just got you back!"

"Hey, I'll still be here, it  _ you  _ that's leaving."

You felt him come up behind you, your heart quickening in your chest as he drew closer. You and Rey stood silently as he breezed past you, not even acknowledging your existence which, quite frankly, was more than alright with you.

"Well...he certainty left in a hurry," her gaze trailed after him, lingering for a moment in the empty doorway before snapping back to her usual peppy self. "I liked your answer, by the way."

"Thanks," you said halfheartedly, leaning into her to give a  _ non  _ bone-crushing hug. "I'll see you later, ok?" You pulled away, swinging your bag over your shoulder. "I've gotta catch Professor Holdo before she leaves."

"You  _ still  _ haven't gotten your paper back?"

You stuck your nose in the air, imitating Holdo's stature as you started walking backwards towards the door. _ "I'm a very busy woman," _ you breathed, mimicking her honeyed tone. You gave Rey one last warm parting smile, "I'll see you in a bit," you called out turning and bounding towards the hallway.

_

_ "Shit _ ," you muttered as you sped through the long hallway of offices in Exegol Hall, your heart momentarily skipping a beat as you spotted Ren's door--closed, thankfully. With any hope he'd be gone already.

You turned your frenzied focus to Holdo's door, also closed.

_ "Shit, shit, shit."  _ You practically slid across the shined tiles as you reached her door, your knuckles unleashing a succession on panicked knocks. "Professor Holdo? It's me," you felt a brief wave of panic as your name fell from your lips.

_ What if Ren was actually in his office? What if he... _

_ No--stop. You're being dram- _

"Be right there, dear." Professor Holdo's melodic voice rang out from beyond the closed door and you felt the tension leave your body with your breath.

Relief swirled through you as you practically collapsed against the wall next to Holdo's door, letting your head fall back and eyes close as you savored the feeling.

_ Click _

Your brain took a moment to catch up, your head falling forward and looking at door immediately to your left--but it was still closed.

Heavy footsteps turned your blood to ice in your veins. Your gaze traveled down the hall, spotting him in an instant.

Professor Ren.

Standing just outside his office, hands in his pockets--staring at you.

"I thought I recognized that... _ mouth _ ."

Your heart fluttered in your chest, your throat suddenly felt scorched.

"What can I say.. _."  _ your eyes defiantly staying on his, "I'm hard to forget."

_ "That you are." _

This time your heart full on stopped. You gulped, hoping he didn't notice.

You two stood there for a moment, just looking at each other. This was quickly becoming the most eye contact you two had made since class, second only to his office; his body pressed to yours, his hands violating your cunt in the most delicious way imaginable.

You felt your breath start to weigh heavy in your chest, heart turning to stone. You glanced back at Holdo's door, still closed, the faint sound of shuffling papers--the clack of a keyboard, playing like music inside.

You turned back to Ren, his bottom lip now pulled between his teeth, something clearly on his lips, begging to be said but he wouldn't allow it.

_ Is he...nervous? _

His gaze radiated heat as he lingered on you, eyes fighting the urge to travers your body.

You didn't even bother fighting it, your eye taking in all of him--how his shirt buttons seemed to be barely holding on as they clung to his strong, broad chest; his forearms, exposed by his sloppily rolled sleeves, veins and muscle bulging under his tempting flesh.

_ How is he so fucking hot?  _ Why _ is he so fucking hot? _

The sound of Professor Holdo's door opening violently pulled you from your staring contest, your body spinning to face her.

She poked her head out, slightly surprised by how close you were standing. "Come on in."

You did your best to steady yourself as you gave her a warm smile, stepping forward to follow her into the room. You glanced back as your foot passed the threshold, half expecting to see Ren still standing there but only seeing vacant air in his place. You watched his door close, sending a wave of disappointment through you.

You shook it off, stepping through the door.

"Shut that for me please, dear."

You smiled, turning just slightly as you closed the door behind you.

You turned back to see Holdo rummaging through the only stack of papers on her desk. You took a moment to admire her office. It was clean; seemingly very organized, a collection of impressive diplomas in gold frames adorning the walls.

"Here you are," you snapped your attention back to her, hand reaching for the paper in her outstretched palm.

"Thank you," you said, looking it over quickly, noting the few comments written in swooping red letters.

"You're a good writer, I was  _ very _ impressed," she said, sitting back down in her office chair. "It's already a very strong paper, I would just recommend a few adjustments." You gave a nugatory smile, Professor Holdo's attention already back on her computer, the soft clack of the keyboard slowly but surely filling the air.

"Thank you for your time, Professor," you said softly, taking the hint and turning to leave.

"Enjoy your holiday, dear."

"You too," you said, feeling a sense of pride as you stepped back out into the hallway.

You were looking at your paper, purposely burying your attention when you felt him, felt his looming presence heading toward you.

Your eyes instinctively moved to his, your eyes locking on each other as you grew closer and closer with every step. You pulled your gaze away, dropping it to the paper in your hands as he passed you, his arm just barely grazing against your own. You felt all the air leave your body, as if he was pulling it from you with with every step--your cells screaming for oxygen.

Your feet stalled, mind reeling as you struggled to think of something-- _ anything _ to say.

"Enjoy your break...Professor Ren, you called out, spinning on your heels to face him.

He glanced back, seemingly unwillingly, his surprised eyes finding yours. You expected him to speak, you could see that he wanted to...but he didn't. Simply nodding in your direction before turning back and continuing on his original path.

Disappointment cut through you, yet again. You had been at this fucked up game for so long that you found yourself clinging to even the briefest glimpse of familiarity--of  _ humanity _ .

You silently chastised yourself for being so.... _ weak, _ as you turned around, heading in the opposite direction, putting more and more distance between your bodies as quickly as you could.

_

"Any plans for the holiday?" 

You glanced up at Finn, giving him a sweet smile as you dumped the bucket of ice into the cooler.

"You're looking at 'em." You said, shaking the bucket, letting the last couple of straggling cubes fall before easing the lid closed, being careful not to catch your fingers--a lesson you'd learned the hard way.

"Nothing?" You could hear in his voice that he didn't believe you. You looked up, slinging the empty bucket over your shoulder as you leaned against the bar.

"Nada." You chuckled as you turned around, feeling Finn's eyes fall to your butt as you walked away. You rolled your eyes, throwing the bucket back to it's rightful place before grabbing the rack of clean glasses and heading back out to the bar. "What about you?" You didn't meet his gaze, instead watching the glasses clank together as you set them down.

"Same as you...nothing," he said, sipping his water, watching your every move.

You sighed, pulling your attention away from the  _ oh so interesting _ collection of rocks and old fashioned glasses to look around the bar before finally meeting his gaze. "Probably why we're the only ones here."

"Couple-a-loners," he sighed.

You chuckled, "something like that."

"Are you ok? You seem a little..."

You ripped your attention away from the rocks glass in your hand, fighting off the memory of Ren's lips that were trying to claw their way back into your brain. The small, stifled interaction you had with him in Exegol Hall also refusing to leave your head.

_ 'It's for the best. He's your teacher, you fucking horndog,'  _ you tried to tell yourself but still...there was... _ something _ . Even with his borderline cruelty, his unnerving ability to make you doubt yourself in every way possible...there was still an ember of longing that refused to die--burning hot and red in some dark recess of your mind.

"Yeah, sorry. School's just been..." you couldn't stop picturing Ren standing in the hallway, staring at you-

_ 'that you are' _

"-a lot."

You grabbed two shot glasses raising your brow at him. He smiled, nodding as he twisted the water bottle in his hands, the unpleasant crinkle of thin plastic barraging your ear.

You snatched the closest bottle you could find and filled the glasses before sliding one over to him. You nodded your head, a silent countdown, before throwing the shot back. You heard Finn sputter as you looked at the ceiling, sitting in the burn of the alcohol as it slid into your belly.

You dropped your gaze, going to grab the glass from Finn when your eye caught something-- _ someone _ \--standing outside the window. A glimmer of hope flashed through you before you were able to catch yourself.

_ No, it couldn't be- _

Ren stepped through the door, snow blowing in at his feet. You ripped your gaze away, turning around to fill your shot glass again.

You heard his steps stall for a second as he spotted you before continuing closer.

"Is Armitage here?" 

His voice sent a chill down your spine.

You threw back a second shot, using the liquid courage to turn around and look at him.

Finn went to respond when you let your hand find his, a dual purpose action. You wanted him to be quiet but you also wanted Ren to see, wanted him to see you touching another man.

"Hux," you called out, turning your focus to Ren, your hand still resting on Finn's. "Back office. Finn, could you show him?"

You looked at Finn and immediately regretted the physical contact, his eyes wide, face rosy as he looked at your hand on his. "Ye-yeah. Of course." You pulled your hand away, not acknowledging either of them as you turned your attention back to your opening checklist.

"Thanks, Finn."

"Yeah, thanks...Finn." His voice was dark.  _ Annoyed _ .

You felt a sick satisfaction wash over you as you dipped into the back, listening to them leave as you gathered your composure.

_ Get a fucking grip, dude. _


	4. The Library

You checked the time,  
 _7:42pm_

You had been at the library for over two hours and felt like you hadn't accomplished a single thing, switching between tasks until your brain felt like mush.

You closed your laptop and pushed it away from you, silently chastising yourself for wasting half of winter break doing absolutely fucking nothing as you slumped onto the table to close your eyes for a minute. You had work at 11 tonight and _really_ didn't want to go, not when you already had 2 papers and 1 revision due soon that you hadn't even come close to starting.

Hux was usually pretty understanding when it came to school, he'd been managing Maz's for long enough to know how nonexistent a work-life balance could be for a college student. Still, you were the only bartender at Maz's that was still on campus and you _really_ needed the money so...you didn't really have much of a choice.

As you laid there with your eyes closed, your mind started to wonder, thinking back to the hefty tip Professor Ren had given you the night you met.

You sat up, biting your bottom lip as you pondered something- how _did_ a new professor leave such a huge tip? Plus his expensive watches, his nice clothes...Sure, you went to a nice college but he couldn't be any older than what? 32? 33? Usually the professors were wrinkled and had tenure before they started strutting their wealth like that.

You pulled your laptop back to you and started typing away, the clack of your keyboard echoing through the abandoned library.

That was the nice thing about this library in particular, literally no one was ever here, even when school _was_ in session. Everyone preferred the newer one with the state of the art equipment and fancy shit but you found solace in the antiquity of _this_ building. You found comfort in the silence and the strong scent of old books. Tucked away in your corner, hidden from view- hidden from the world.

It was nice.

You typed in his name first, _'Kylo Ren,'_ but nothing really of note came up.

You did find out that he went to Stanford so he _definitely_ came from money. You also managed to find a couple of op-eds he had written during his time at school, which you saved to read later. Then you stumbled across an article that spoke about his post graduate plans.

You clicked it, skimming through but quickly found yourself staring at the photo they used of him instead. He looked about the same, maybe a couple of years younger, and was holding his diploma...but you couldn't look away from his smile. He was beaming from ear to ear; a far cry from the stoicism that he wore nearly every time you'd seen him. That's when your eyes fell to the much shorter, older woman by his side. Her face was worn but beautiful, her eyes kind. She was beaming too and you could feel the love radiating from just her photo. You looked to the description, trying to figure out who she was.

_Pictured: Kylo Ren right, Leia Organa-Solo left._

Leia Organa-Solo... _why_ does that name sound _so_ familiar? You highlighted her name and clicked search, bringing forth a wealth of information.

_Assassination attempt on Leia Organa-Solo thwarted, child sent into protection._

Curious, you clicked.

_World renowned politician and philanthropist, Leia Organa-Solo, best known for her peace mission to the war torn country of Batuu, is safe after an attempt was made on her life this past Thursday. Sources close to the family say that while Organa-Solo is shaken up, her resolve remains stronger than ever. Questions however have risen about the whereabouts of her and partner Han Solo's only child. Famously kept away from the public eye, it has been speculated that after the most recent attempt on the Organa-Solos lives, their child has been whisked away to the safety of an unknown family member for protect-_

Heavy footsteps followed by the clearing of someone's throat pulled you out of your research. Your eyes shot up, genuinely startled by the interruption given you thought you were the only person in here. To your dismay Kylo Ren was standing right in front of you, books and a laptop precariously held in his arms.

You two simply stared at each other, neither one of you even daring to breathe. You felt your body begin to tense, trying desperately to ignore the heat between your legs becoming excited at the prospect of being completely and utterly alone with him for the first time in almost two months. You shook your head, steadying yourself as you slammed your laptop closed. You stood, going to dart around him but a large hand gripped your bicep, yanking you backwards.

You were standing face to face with him now, your heart beating so loudly in your ears that it was almost deafening. His eyes fell to your lips and for a moment you could almost see into his mind. He was thinking about your mouth around him, choking and sputtering on his cock. Your pussy clenched as his thumb brushed against your lips, gently tugging at them until the tip of his thumb was coated in your saliva.

That's when something in you broke.

Your body took over, bringing his thumb into your mouth as your tongue desperately swirled and sucked him. He dropped his belongings, pulling his thumb from you and taking your laptop, carelessly discarding it off to the side. His hand landed a hard smack to your ass, your body jolting at the violent contact. He started groping you, aggressively kneading your now buzzing flesh.

He leaned into your ear, hot breath rolling across your neck. "I am going to throw you down on this table and fuck you and you aren't going to make _a single fucking sound_. Do you understand me?"

Your legs almost gave out. You looked at him with desperate eyes, "yes."

Another hard smack to your ass, another wince.

"Yes _what_?"

"Yes _Professor_ ," your words were barely audible but they didn't have to be, not with how close he was to you.

He shoved you backwards, your body landing with a loud _thud_ onto the sturdy mahogany table behind you.You watched breathlessly as he took each of your feet into his hands, ripping off your sneakers and dropping them to the ground. He didn't take his eyes off of you, not once, not even as his fingers hooked into your leggings and panties, pulling them down your legs, ripping a whimper from your chest as your now exposed skin met cold wood.

He gripped your hips and pulled your body closer to him, your sweatshirt slipping up your back from the friction of the table. Your eyes fell to his hands as he pulled his cock out, already hard, his slit weeping for you. He smacked it against your clit, sending a shock of excitement through your whole body.

You _needed_ him and could tell that he needed you too.

"Do you think you deserve to cum after the shit you've pulled?" He was looking down, playing with you. Coating the head of his cock in your warm, wet cunt; rubbing himself across your stiff clit.

"E-excuse me?" You stuttered, startled by the juxtaposition of his words and his actions.

He leaned over you and snatched you by the back of your neck, bringing your face uncomfortably close to his. "That shit you pulled in my office, the disrespect you've shown me in class. You're lucky we have to be quiet, you deserve to have the sense fucked out of you after those little stunts of yours."

"Disrespect? What the fuck are you-"

He gripped your jaw—hard—forcing you to look between your legs, to watch how his dick poked at your fluttering core.

You hardened yourself, biting back your annoyance as you ripped your face out of his grasped. "If I don't deserve to cum, then neither do you... _professor_." His mouth was tantalizingly close to yours and you wanted nothing more than to feel his lips on yours, to close the minuscule distance between your mouths but you didn't. Ren didn't seem like the kissing type. At least, not right now.

He pulled his body away from yours with an angry huff.

You went to object but were immediately silenced by a firm grasp on your throat and a suddenly fullness in your cunt. His cock eliciting an intoxicating burn in your pussy as you stretched around him, working overtime to accommodate his size. You did everything in your power to stay quiet as he sheathed himself in you, being sure to coat himself in your sex completely before drawing out, _slowly_. Your hands flew to his wrist on your throat, holding onto him as he pulled out of you, every inch of him stretching your velvet core, pushing you further into a frenzy. He may be an asshole but holy shit, did he feel _amazing_.

His cock was almost completely out of you, his head barely resting on the inside of your cunt as he admired the view. You could feel yourself dripping; all over him, all over yourself, all over the table, but you didn't care.

He released your throat, allowing you to take a deep breath as his hand lightly traced over the red mark he had left in his wake. His eyes fell to your cunt, to your cum that was covering both of you before he leaned over, lips brushing against your ear. _"You're making a mess."_ His words flushed your cheeks, if you weren't so drunk on him you may have actually been embarrassed.

And then, he rammed back into you, pulling an elated scream from you. He grabbed the back of your neck, yanking you up with one hand while the other clasped over your mouth. "What did I fucking say? _Be quiet_." His pace started to become more regular as he stared into your eyes. You tried to focus on him, tried not to completely fall apart on his cock but it was useless. You felt yourself slipping, your eyes rolling into the back of your head while he fucked you. You mewled softly into his hand as you lost yourself in him, lost yourself to the fullness in your cunt as you fluttered around his cock—making it impossible to focus on anything else. Your body shuttered with every thrust as he slowly started to lose his control. " _Fuck it,"_ he grumbled as he quickly replaced his hand with his lips, freeing himself to go for your clit. Bolts of radiating pleasure shot through you as his thumb made tight circles around your sensitive bud, his plush pink lips silencing any little squeaks of pleasure that dared slip past your defenses.

He pulled his mouth away just barely, his eyes meeting yours. "Still on birth control, right?" You couldn't speak, your body so overcome by him--all you could do was nod feverishly. "Good, because I'm going to fill this _tight little pussy_ with my cum and you're going to take _every fucking drop_ , do you understand me?" You started to nod when his hand left your clit, pinching your jaw. " _Say it._ "

"I understand."

His eyes were dark, pupils blown with lust as his gaze latched on to yours. You saw a flash of what could only be described as wanton cruelty flash across his eyes before he spoke again.

" _Beg_."

He caught you off guard, snapping you out of your cock drunk stupor, even if just for a second. " _No_."

"I said _fucking beg_ ," his hips ran into you, his dick nearly piercing your cervix. You unleashed a primal shriek, pleasure and pain rippling through your core as he kept his abusive pace. His fingers found your clit again and you felt yourself shatter under his touch.

" _Fuck!"_ You whimpered, your annoyance quickly being surpassed by rapture. "Please fill my pussy, Professor Ren," you whispered, doing everything you could to stay in control of yourself.

His hands moved to support your neck, holding your forehead to his as his cock rutted into you. " _More_."

"Please— _fuck_. _Pleaseletmecumonyourcock. Please fill my-"_

His lips found yours again as his hand resumed it's relentless pace on your clit. You were so close and the sloppiness of his hips told you that he was too.

Your orgasms were building like the finale of a symphony, everything becoming louder, more intense until finally-- _finally_ \-- you peaked. You were both definitely way louder than you should have been, expletives and slapping skin echoing through the stale library air, but in this moment you physically didn't have it in you to care. All that mattered was the uncontrollable pulsing of your cunt, the twitching of his cock as he filled you with his cum. Your labored breathing in sync with his.

Ren stood there, still holding your body to his as his lips left yours; his head falling to rest in the crook of your neck. As you came down you realized how eerily similar this felt to the first time you'd had sex with him. You wanted to pull away, to look at his beautiful sweat stained face but you were both frozen, neither daring to move; not wanting to be the one to break the contact of your bodies first...

Until he did.

He released you, your body clumsy falling backwards onto the table as he pulled his softening cock from you, tucking himself away. He admired you for a moment, your face pink, chest heaving, naked from the waist down with your legs spread; the mixture of your cum leaking onto the library table.

But then you watched his face grow cold, watched him rebuild his stoic demeanor as he collected his things.

"I'll see you in class."

And like that, he was gone. Your head was spinning as you watching him leave. You wanted to call out, to say _something_ but you couldn't, your ability to speak apparently leaving with him.

So you sat there, stunned.

You eased your legs closed, pushing yourself up to sit. You knew you should get down and find your pants, the reality that someone could walk in at any moment and see you like this screaming at you from the back of your mind but your body just wouldn't move.

You were...confused. Annoyed for sure, but there was _something else_. You were... _hurt_.

For the _second_ time, he had fucked you and ran off right away, leaving you to clean up after him... _literally_.

After so long, after all the embarrassment he put you through in class.

You felt...gross.

"Asshole," you managed to call out, knowing it was useless. You found your pants, looking back at the table, cringing at the mess you two had left in your wake.

You sighed as you pulled your pants on, slipping into your sneakers as you headed towards the bathroom, looking for something you could use to wipe away the evidence of your weakness for your stupid fucking teacher.


	5. We Need To Talk

" _Hold the fucking phone_ ," Rey's voice rang out over your speaker, "in the _library_...on our _table?"_

A deep, tired sigh pulled from your chest as your let your head hang, arms stiff as you propped your body up against your bathroom sink.

"Dude, we _study_ there!"

"I didn't-- _this is not why I called you_ ," you scolded, choking back a misplaced laugh. You knew Rey was right, of course she was. Getting your pussy split wide by your history professor's cock in the library was hardly the most _sanitary_ or productive thing you could have spent your afternoon doing...not that you had gone there with that intention. If you could have, you would have avoided him all together.

...you think.

You took a sobering breath, raising your eyeliner to meet your lid when Ren's face--beautiful golden eyes brimming with wanton desire, skin dewy with satisfaction--ripped through your mind.

_'Do you think you deserve to cum after the shit you've pulled?'_

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," Rey's voice dripped with sincerity, pulling you back to earth.

There was a lull in the conversation and you shook your head, rubbing small, deliberate circles into your temples as if you could massage away the memory of his hand around your throat. Or his lips, warm and soft and dripping with lust, pressed to yours. Your eyelids fluttered and you let out another deep, weary sigh, trying to shift your focus back onto getting ready for work.

"So what are you going to do?"

You grumbled and for a moment you couldn't tell if it was from the inevitability of Rey's question or the fact that your makeup looked like shit. Not that it really mattered, the odds of anyone showing up at Maz's tonight was basically slim to none.

"I...don't know," you said, tossing the slender black pen back into your makeup bag before zipping it up and putting it away. "I definitely _shouldn't_ call him...right?"

"Right."

"...right," you said, your voice punctuated by the flick of the lightswitch as you made your way out of the bathroom.

"We should egg his house--"

"--Rey!"

"I'm _kidding_...mostly--"

"I don't know...I feel like I should say _something._ I mean... _it's not fair._..It's not fair, right?" The desperation in your voice wasn't lost on you but you didn't have the mental capacity to care. You felt like Kylo Ren had thrown you overboard, thrust you into a sea of insecurity and you were barely treading water. It _sucked_ and you were desperate for some fucking validation.

"Not even a little bit," her words breathing new life into your annoyance, into your _anger_.

"I've...I put distance between us. I've avoided him, I've ignored him... _I_ have been doing the right thing...and then he just..."

"I know babes...I know."

You sighed, tossing your phone onto the bed as you pulled on your shirt.

"I don't think I've ever heard you this upset. At least, not about a guy."

"Shut up," you chided, desperate to push away the acknowledgment of what you were already all too aware of.

You didn't get upset about guys, ever. It just wasn't worth it.

And yet here you were, hands shaking, heart thudding against your sternum at just the _mention_ of him. Your mind was replaying every single interaction you'd ever had with Ren, trying to figure out where the hell you went wrong.

You gave yourself a once over in the mirror before glancing at the time on your phone, realizing you'd lost too much time to wallowing; the clock ticking dangerously close to the start of your shift.

"Shit, Rey, I gotta go. I'll talk to you tomorrow though, ok?"

"Wait...just...be careful with this, ok? You've worked so hard and—"

"Yeah--I promise," you cut her off, blinking away the tears that were biting at your waterline.

"Tell Finn I say hi."

"I will...talk to you later," you said, hanging up the call.

A single tear fell, rolling down your cheek before you had the chance to wipe it away. You've been ghosted before, manipulated, cheated on...but for some reason, this sick game with Ren hurt worse than all of that combined. At least with them you knew they saw you as a _person_. As far as you were concerned, Kylo Ren saw you as a toy, something to be played with, fucked and thrown away at his leisure.

Maybe that's why it hurt so bad, this whole thing stirring up that all too familiar sting of abandonment. The push and pull that threatened to snap you clean in half.

You felt disposable and that was a feeling you swore to yourself you'd never feel again. Ever. Your heart couldn't handle it.

Just thinking about this was exhausting, your strength waning, body plopping down on the bed next to you. You needed to figure out how the hell you were going to handle this; your _indiscretions_ , going forward.

Your first instinct was to ignore it, pretend none of this had ever happened and just _try_ to go about your life. Go back to how you were before...holding your breath every time Professor Ren was within a 10 foot radius of you.

The soreness in your cunt and the bruises blossoming a faint purple from his grip on your hips told you that probably wasn't a very sustainable solution.

No, even if you _did_ want to pretend nothing happened, something from deep inside told you that was no longer an option. You needed to talk to him, to hash this out once and for all.

You stood, making your way to your dresser and rummaging through the top drawer. After a second you found it, the napkin from the night you met, folded neatly and hidden among a collection of lace and cotton. You unfurled it, your stupid heart fluttering at the sight of his delicate penmanship as you made your way back to your bed, typing in his phone number.

_You shouldn't call...it's late and that's weird._

_He did literally just fuck you in the library...is a call really_ that _outlandish?_

_For him...probably._

_Then again, a text is too easily..._

"Fuck it."

You pulled up your messages, pasting his number in before finding yourself stuck on what to say. A million thoughts swirled through your head, many of which contained some _choice_ words for his show of character, or lack thereof, but your fingers seemed to settle on something less...aggressive. Hurriedly typing out the words before your thumb hovered over the send button.

Something from deep inside stopped you, making you second guess yourself. A small voice, getting increasingly louder at the back of your subconscious telling you that...if you sent this...if he answered...  
  
  


That was it. There would be no going back.  
  
  


You would effectively be opening a door that couldn't be closed and you weren't sure how to feel about it.

...Still...in a way, hadn't Ren already done that?

I mean, you could excuse the night you met. You could even find an excuse for what happened in his office, however flimsy and asinine it may be. But the library...he made a _choice_. He could have walked away from you, left you there without saying a word and you would have been none the wiser. He _could_ have done that, he _should_ have done that...but he didn't. And in that moment, hadn't he essentially taken that choice from you? Wouldn't forcing him to face you and whatever fucked up game he was playing be a way to take that power back from him?

" _Ohmygod_ , you're overthinking this," you said aloud, letting your thumb tap 'send'.

You let yourself sit there a moment longer, part of you hoping he'd respond right away--your chest deflating slightly when he didn't.

You allowed yourself a final glance, your little blue bubble sitting alone in a sea of white.

_'We need to talk.'_   
  
  


\--  
  
  


"Hey Hux," you called out, slipping behind the bar as you folded your work apron in half, tying the well worn straps around your waist. "Sorry I'm kinda late."

"You're not late," he said in his Hux-brand of warmth, slightly stiff, not unlike an AI that hadn't quite grasped the whole 'human emotions' thing just yet. "You _do_ know that's supposed to go over your head though, right?" his eyes narrowing at you as his fingers gestured around his neck, setting his black leather-clad binder down and sliding onto a stool.

You rolled your eyes, giving Hux a knowing smirk as you punched your code into the register. "How else am I supposed to make tips?" You paused, mindlessly pulling the thin paper receipt from the slot as you looked out the window at the unusually empty campus. "Especially on a night like tonight."

You hummed, tucking the slip into your back pocket as you popped the lid to the cooler open, taking stock of what needed to be done. That's when you noticed your liquor bottles had been switched; mysteriously moved out of their usual order between this shift and your last.

_Aurra._

"No Finn?" you asked half-heartedly, fixing the bottles in the well.

"Now _he's_ late," Hux said, a twinge of annoyance in his voice as he glanced back at the door.

You chuckled to yourself, setting up a couple of shakers within your reach, not that you would probably need them tonight. "Golly gee, who's going to protect me from all of these _rowdy_ patrons?" you teased, folding a rag in half as you leaned against the bar.

"Yeah, I think you'd take someone out before Finn got the chance--"

"Pop 'em with a bottle of Pellegrino," you said with a smile, eliciting about the most genuine laugh Hux had to offer.

"Wouldn't be the first time," he said, eyes stuck to you, fingers mindlessly picking at the lip of his binder.

"Ok, it was _once_ and he tried to jump over the bar, if you recall." You exchanged a laugh when the bell chimed, signaling Finn's arrival.

You looked up to see him, brows knit together, shoulders hunched as he shook off the light dusting of snow that had accumulated on his jacket.

"It's fucking cold."

" _You're late_ ," Hux said, the warmth he'd just had towards you dissipating just as quickly as it had arrived. He stood, tucking his little black binder underneath his arm, his sour expression shooting daggers at poor, half frozen Finn.

"No one's here!"

You couldn't help but laugh, shifting your weight on your feet as a wave of misplaced nostalgia swelled at the base of your chest.

_Ren, stepping through the door, snow swirling at his feet as his eyes locked onto yours..._

You glanced at your phone, hoping to find a response from him but only finding yourself disappointed when there was nothing.

"Hey Hux, could I ask you kind of a weird question?" You said, tucking your phone into your back pocket.

He looked around somewhat anxiously, stalling on his way back to his office before easing against the bar. "Shoot."

"That guy that came in here last week...how do you know him?"

Confusion scrunched his brows together before his expression settled into something between shock and horror. Like someone who just saw their childhood bully for the first time in years.

"You mean Kylo Ren?"

"Tall guy?" Finn asked, slipping into the stool across from you.

You nodded, turning your attention back to Hux. "Yeah, you know him?"

"I do," Hux responded, easing back into a stool as he kept his eyes on you. "Do _you_ know him?"

"He's my History Professor...how do _you_ know him?" You realized then that you may have been too forward, Hux looking at you through suspicious eyes.

"We...went to college together," he finally relented; not yet releasing you from his suspicion.

" _You_ went to Stanford?" your head pulling back just slightly, surprise tangible in your voice.

"Yikes," Finn cut in, your hand shooing him away.

"Fuck--I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Just...what are the odds, you know?" You tried to sound casual, like you didn't really care and for a moment Hux's expression eased.

"Well, yes. I did... _no offense taken_." You gave him an apologetic smile, "he uh just wanted to...reminisce."

"Reminisce?"

"He seemed mad," Finn cut in.

"He's always like that," you said, not thinking, your heart stammering in your chest when you realized the implication of your words. "I mean...from what I can tell anyway. He always seems to have a stick up his ass in class."

"Yeah, not much has changed then."

"So you two must have gotten along pretty well then," you teased, shooting Hux a wink.

He laughed, as if what you had just said was ludicrous. "No, we didn't talk much. _He_ didn't talk much. He was too good to fraternize with the likes of other students. Well... _male_ students."

A pang of jealousy flashed through your gut. You went to say something but Hux beat you to it.

"He did manage to get some big politician to come speak at graduation though. That was cool. Organic something."

You laughed, recalling the photo you had seen earlier in the day, "Organa? _Leia_ Organa?"

"Yeah that sounds right, you know her?"

"I'm writing a report on her," you lied, hoping to cover your tracks.

"Well, I guess his dad or whoever, knows her. Was able to pull some strings to get her to come."

At that the bell chimed again, quickly being drown out by a group of mumbling guys complaining about the cold. Hux quickly stood, slipping back into his on-brand level of icy before giving you and Finn a curt nod, heading back to his office.

"Why did you _really_ ask about your professor?" Finn said, gaze narrowing to suspicion.

"Shut it, Finn," you said through your customer service smile, eyes stuck to the group of guys heading towards you.

_'I guess his dad or whoever knows her, was able to pull some strings to get her to come'_

_The photo; Kylo Ren right, Leia Organa-Solo left._

_Their smiles...so warm so--genuine..._

_A child, hidden from the world...whisked away to safety...a young professor with seemingly no past..._   
  
  


_He's hiding something._   
  
  


"What can I get you guys?"  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this was so freaking slow but we gotta build up the foundation before the story gets good and trust me...it gets gooooooood.


	6. I'm Poe

You looked around the mostly empty lecture hall before glancing at the time on your computer--you were earlier than usual.

A low, drawn out groan reverberated in your throat as you started shifting your weight in your seat. You were uncomfortable but you couldn't figure out if it was physical discomfort from the criminally un-ergonomic chair you were slumped in or the emotional distress from having to see  _ him _ .

You see, Kylo never answered you and, even though you'd never admit it out loud, the idea of seeing him after being ghosted for a  _ second  _ time made you...nervous. You had gone out on a limb and reached out to him, hoping for some type of closure or at the very least some acknowledgment and you were met with nothing but deafening silence. You felt stupid for having put so much emotional weight on a single text, on a handful of lascivious interactions that clearly he didn't give a shit about. You tried to convince yourself that you didn't care either, I mean why should you...but you were still angry.

Maybe that's why you'd spent the last few days on a research bender, your mind desperate to get some type of answer as you tried to dig up every last detail you could on the _formidable_ _Kylo Ren_...which was, effectively, fucking nothing.

_ It was like the dude didn't fucking exist until a few years ago. _

You sighed, channeling your anxiety into the rapid tapping of your pen as you clicked over to your internet, your eyes skimming the page that you'd last left off on.

_ A heavily pregnant Leia Organa makes a trip to Chandrila Hospital Maternity Ward...  _ (blah blah blah) _ "What do I hope for? Well, I guess that's a good question. Uhm, I guess I hope my child--" _

You clicked back and started scrolling, frustration clouding your brain as you began to realize that you had already gone well past any relevant results. At this point, you weren't even sure what you were looking for anymore...a connection between Kylo and Leia Organa...something beyond that one random photo.

_ "--his dad or whoever knows her, was able to pull some strings to get her to come." _

Hux's voice rang through your head as you kept scrolling...and scrolling...and scrolling.

You were about to give up, about to switch over to Netflix or something when,  _ way at the bottom _ , a headline caught your eye.

_ 'Prominent Philanthropic Couple Welcomes Baby Boy' _

Curious and having exhausted all other avenues, you clicked.

_ 'Leia Organa had much to celebrate this November, welcoming her first and only child with husband Han Solo. In the same month, Ms. Organa also managed to oversee the signing of the Galactic Concordance, effectively ending a decades long civil war.' _

"You look cute," Rey's cheery voice floated in from behind you, pulling you from your research.

You watched as she slid into her usual seat next to you, taking a bite of her bagel before offering you some.

"No thanks," you laughed, eyeing her as she shrugged and set it down in her lap. "So do you."

"Thank you," she managed through a full mouth, hand playfully quaffing the three buns that adorned the back of her head. After some comically dramatic chewing, she swallowed, opening her laptop and pulling out a yellow folder from her bag. "Any update on  _ you know who?" _

You shook your head no, eyes studying the header of her paper before glancing over at your own.

_ Hers is way nicer than yours. Guess that's what happens when you crank out a paper in a couple  _ hours _ that was supposed to take a couple of  _ weeks _. _

"How are you holding up?" she asked, shimmying deeper into her seat before taking another bite of her breakfast.

"I'm fine," you mumbled. "Kinda glad he never answered."

_ Maybe if you said it enough, you could convince yourself it was true. _

You felt someone slip into the seat directly behind you and you immediately shut up. You found yourself annoyed that whoever it was chose  _ that _ specific seat when there was literally an entire lecture hall full of other, less intrusive options. You shot Rey a look as you turned your attention back to your paper, feeling increasingly uneasy about it. You wanted to blame Ren but you knew that wasn't entirely fair. It's not like you had spent the  _ whole _ two week break getting railed in the library.

There was a sudden light tap on your shoulder, catching your attention.

"Hey, sorry,  _ hi _ ," he said, face ringing with a distant familiarity. He was cute, olive skin with a strong jawline and big brown eyes that you could easily see yourself getting lost in.

"Hi," you said, clearly kind of confused as you quickly glanced over at Rey.

"I'm sorry, I know this is weird but...you work at Maz's, right?"

"Uh, yeah, I do," you said, watching Rey sink deeper into her seat from the corner of your eye.

" _ I thought I recognized you! _ I came in the other day with a couple of friends-"

Suddenly, it clicked.

"You're the one that knocked over the--"

His face went flush as a deep, warm laugh escaped his chest. "Yup, again, I am... _ so _ sorry about that."

"Don't be, really, it's no big deal. The occasional shattered glass makes things interesting," your voice tinged with a flirtatious giggle. "I didn't realize you were a student here," you added, shifting your body in your seat to better see him.

"I am, working on my bachelor's. What about you?"

"Me too," you said, your tone raising at the end like a giddy school girl.

For the first time in what felt like forever, you were talking to someone you didn't have to overanalyze and it felt like a breath of fresh air.

"You know, that group of guys I was with, we plan a lot of get togethers if you," his eyes darting over to Rey who was still munching on her bagel, " _ either of you _ , are interested," his eyes settling back on you.

You bit your lower lip, butterflies fluttering in your belly as your brain cut straight to what he was really saying.

"Shouldn't I atleast know your name before you ask for my number?" your voice suddenly slower, more sultry and controlled.

His tongue traced his lower lip, his chest shuddering with a laugh as he reached his hand out.

"I'm Poe."

-

You were writing your name and number down when you felt it, the sudden vacuum of Ren's presence sucking all the air out of the room. You tried to ignore it, tried to focus on your task at hand but the pace of your writing inevitably slowed as he stepped into your peripheral vision. You didn't  _ need _ to look right at him to know he probably looked drool-worthy but...you did anyway.

Thick dark hair that hung loose, framing his devastatingly perfect face. His usual dark grey slacks that fit  _ just _ right and a fine blue button up that clung to the expanse of his chest--buttons straining any time he took too deep a breath...

Your mind was screaming, face scrunching just slightly as you turned your focus back to the scrap of paper in front of you; making sure to add a little extra swoop to the last letter of your name before turning back to Poe. His fingers brushed yours as he took the paper, glancing at it before letting your name fall from his lips like it was the most interesting thing he'd ever heard.

"That is a  _ beautiful _ name, you know," big brown eyes meeting your stare as his lips pulled into a devilishly handsome smile.

Your lower lip pulled between your teeth as you tried to repress a smirk. He may be obvious but  _ fuck _ was he charming.

Suddenly, a harsh  _ smack _ rang in your ears, your head snapping to see Ren standing behind his desk, hand resting atop a binder. His jaw was tight but he otherwise seemed calm, as if he hadn't just slammed something down on his desk like a toddler.

"Good to see Ren is his usual chipper self," Poe whispered in your ear, your body instinctively leaning back towards him.

"Always just such a joy, that Professor Ren," you said with a sigh, eyes unwittingly glued to how his tendons and muscles worked in tandem, flexing and rolling beneath the enticing flesh of his massive arm.

A faint heat began to swell between your thighs as the memory of that very same arm, lifting you, supporting you as he fucked you open in your kitchen--in the library--flashed through your mind.

_ Get a fucking grip, dude. _

You sank into your seat a little, leaning over towards Rey. "I might be coming around to that egg idea."

...

"I need everyone to hand down their essays please," Ren called out, his back to the rest of the room as he wrote 'Pleasure and Pain' in large sweeping letters on the whiteboard.

You glanced at your phone when all of a sudden, a barrage of papers were being handed to you, from both Rey and Poe.

You nervously glanced around the room only to realize that you were,  _ of course _ , the one person on the end, closest to Professor Ren's desk.

_ Of course it was you. _

You took a deep breath and greedily held it in your lungs as you collected the stack of papers into a neat pile. You stood with an abundance of caution, easing around the desk and walking to Ren's, hoping beyond hope that he wouldn't notice you-- _fuck_. Golden verdant eyes darted up to yours, trapping you in his stare as your heart nearly sputtering to a stop. Your throat suddenly felt dry, paralyzed lungs burning for oxygen as you settled into the realization that this was the closest you two had been since your... _tryst_. You saw something flash across his face, the same something you had seen the night you met, and you felt your cunt clench; honestly just a pavlov's dog-esk response to being within 10 feet of him at this point.

"Here," your voice nearly a whisper as you held out the thick collection of paper towards him.

"Thank you," he said, nodding his head towards the desk.

You hurriedly set them down and spun on your heels, trying to keep yourself steady as you sulked back to your seat.

  
  


The door was teetering open. He may have ignored you or whatever but there was  _ something _ there. Something undeniable that kept that figurative door from slamming in your face.

You just weren't sure what.

...

"Nichols states in his book that if we go down to a biological level, we find pleasure and pain to be the mainsprings of action," Professor Ren's hand floating in front of his body, punctuating his words as he paced in front of the class. "And as you continue to rise through the ranks of  _ ethics _ and  _ society _ that the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain stays a  _ staple _ of the human experience. Later in that same passage he says that while these things may not be the  _ whole _ of life...if you leave them out, life no longer seems to have any meaning."

You felt your eyes roll to the back of your head as you scribbled a drawing of a gallows onto the blank page in front of you, followed by a set of 9 dashes. Thoroughly pleased with yourself, you angled your illustration towards Rey.

She glanced over, pulling back a smile as she wrote a swooping _ 'a' _ in the corner of her page.

With as straight of a face as you could manage, focus pretending to be on whatever Ren was droning on about, you scribbled in  _ 'a' _ into the appropriate spot.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ a _

"But this isn't psychology and I'm not Freud," Ren said, a soft, flirtatious laugh echoing from somewhere behind you. Your eyes nearly rolled out of your skull before you zeroed in on Ren, watching to see what his reaction would be--a strange sense of relief settling in your belly when there was none.

"So how does any of this relate to what we're here to discuss. History?"

"E," a familiar voice, lowered to a whisper coming from behind you. You bit your lip, trying to hide your smirk as your head turned just enough to see Poe leaning over your shoulder.

You caved, giving him a genuine smile before turning back and scribbling in an 'e'

_ _ _ _ _e_a_

The game continued between you, Rey and Poe until you had half a stick figure, hung by his neck and half the letters of your mystery word scribbled in.

"Douchebag," Poe excitedly whispered into your ear, your cheeks suddenly feeling flush as you wrote in the remaining letters.

"You win," you cooed. 

"I hope I'm not... _ interrupting _ ."

Ren's voice sliced through your chest, your thumb anxiously clicking your pen as you slowly lifted your gaze to his. He was standing mere feet in front of you, hands in his pockets, sleeves rolled up to the elbow...he looked fucking ethereal.

"Sorry," you said under your breath, every cell in your body screaming for you to look away, to not feed into him.

But you couldn't. You were trapped, predator and prey  _ yet again _ .

"Pleasure and Pain in a historical context, please," Ren said flatly, shifting closer, your eyes inadvertently falling to the prominent veins of his forearms.

_ Fuuck me. _

"What?"

He rolled his tongue beneath his lips, adam's apple bobbing ever so slightly as his stare seemed to melt away the rest of the world.

He was challenging you, hoping to make a fool out of you, again. Only this time, after the mental turmoil he'd been putting you through, you weren't in the fucking mood.

"Why are we bothering with this topic," he said, crossing back to his desk, turning to look at you as he sat on the edge. "What is it about--"

"It's obvious, what else has shaped our history in such a profound way? Sex and death and heartache, it's all integral to the human experience and human experience is what shapes our history...so..." his nostrils flared, the muscle under his eye twitching ever so subtly as you continued. "I mean, King Henry—King Henry the 8th didn't get married 6 times because he was  _ bored _ . He was scared, he was in pain--he wanted to secure a legacy. Chasing his pleasure at the cost of anyone and  _ everyone _ who had the misfortune of getting in his way...and because of that, he had a profound effect on England, religion..." your words faded as you started to lose steam. You were rambling and probably not making much sense...but you were pissed. You rolled your jaw, taking a breath as Ren kept his eyes locked on you. He was either extremely impressed or  _ unfathomably _ annoyed but you really didn't give a shit either way.

"Without pain, pleasure has no meaning and vice versa. Of course that has an impact on our history."

It was quiet for a beat, Ren resting his hands on either side of his body as he nodded his head.

"Thanks for that... _ insightful _ tangent."

"Dick," you mumbled under your breath.

  
  


The rest of class passed with little excitement, which was more than ok with you. Ren didn't call on you, didn't look at you, it was like you didn't exist.

Never before had being ignored felt like such a fucking  _ relief _ .

"I'll have these graded and handed back to you by the end of the week," he called out, fingers tented on the stack of essays on his desk. "Class dismissed."

You moved as quickly as you could, not bothering to say a word to Poe or even Rey as you scrambled to collect your things.

You felt him eyeing you but you ignored it, heat flushing your cheeks as you slung your bag over your shoulder and slipped out from behind your seat. Your head hung ever so slightly as you sped past him, the hallway just beyond the door growing closer and closer--

"Not you."

_ Fuck _ .

Your steps stalled as Rey and Poe walked around you, shooting you each their own apologetic glances.

You waved them off, rolling your eyes as you turned on your heels to face him. You looked around the room, thankful for the stragglers that were left as you sulked towards where he was standing in front of his desk.

"Yes?" your voice thick with annoyance as you stepped up to him.

He glanced behind you as he pushed himself off the desk, his body suddenly way too close for what was comfortable. But you couldn't move, your feet were frozen to the ground as his broad chest nearly brushed against yours.

You watched his tongue wet his lips before he leaned down, his voice a low hum in your ear.

"If you keep making a habit of getting off topic and distracting the other students in my class...we're going to have a problem."

Shock flooded your blood, face flushed red as you snapped your head back to look at him. " _ Excuse me? _ What's  _ that _ supposed to mean?"

"You're a bright girl. Figure it out."

Your body faltered backwards, your heart hammered like steel drum in your chest.

You were so wrapped up in your physical reaction to his words that you hadn't realized he had moved away from you, your bodies now seperated by his desk as he eased himself into his chair.

You stepped forward, hands balled into fists, "is that a  _ threat _ ...professor?" Your tone was dark and slow.

"Not a threat," his jaw tensing, his gaze nearly burning a hole through the stack of papers in front of him.

" _ A warning _ ."

A humorless laugh escaped your chest, teeth clenched as you spun away from him.

Your heart was pounding, vision tunneling as your feet carried you away from him and into the hallway.

Fuck what you said earlier.

_ You were slamming that fucking door yourself. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not me, thirsting over Oscar Isaac in my Kylo Ren fic lol


	7. Kylo - Better This Way

A long, quivering breath escaped Kylo's lips as he worked his cock in fast, firm strokes--warm water running in rivulets over his face as images of her danced across his eyelids.

_Her pretty lips wrapped around his dick, the way she crumbled beneath his touch as he played with her clit. How perfect she looked as she came on his cock._

" _Shit_ -" he groaned, head lolling back into the stream of water, the pace of his fist quickening as his orgasm drew dangerously close. _"Fuck-fuck-fuuck,"_ frantic breath rattled Kylo's chest as his cock twitched in his palm, thick ropes of cum shooting to the shower floor. After a moment, his head fell forward, water trickling in streams down his face, getting in his eyes--his nose--his mouth, but he couldn't move. It was like he was trapped, held hostage by some invisible force while images of her flashed through his mind; how pretty and perfectly lewd she looked splayed out on the table for him, the way her eyes went wide and dewy when he pulled himself away.

He let himself stay there a minute more, working his length through the aftershocks of his orgasm, wishing more than anything that his cum was splattering her pretty face instead of falling lamely at his feet.

_No. No, that can never happen. The library was the last time._

_It had to be._

With a sigh, Kylo gave his body one final rinse, eyes screwed shut while his own voice echoed through his mind.

_'You're dangerous.'_

He had meant it when he said it the night they met, the words slipping past defences as he fucked her...he'd regretted it immediately but it was probably the truest thing he'd ever spoken. 

Usually he forgot them in hour, a couple hours _tops;_ their faces fading into the recess of his mind as he went about his life. But not her and he didn't fucking understand why.

Rationality told him he was stupid, fucking _reckless_ to have done what he did. To have fucked a student in such a public place...but seeing her sitting there, alone, a pen perched between her perfect lips as she stared at her computer...all rational thought abandoned him, the overwhelming carnal need to have her, _just one last time_ , taking over his body. 

Kylo tried to push her from his mind as he went about his usual morning routine, pulling on a pair of grey slacks and a plain button up before going to his collection of watches. His fingers hovered over the array of leather and fine metals until he landed on his favorite one, plucking it from it's spot and fastening it around his wrist before snagging his phone from his night stand.

He scrolled through his emails as he made his way down the stairs, fingers raking through his still damp hair as he stepped into the kitchen. Soft sunlight poured in through the wall of windows on the opposite side of the room, bathing the entire kitchen in a warm glow. It was almost...nice.

_The sunrise only serves to mock a successful man, my boy._

Kylo shoved away the warmth that threatened to settle in his chest as he made his usual breakfast, glancing back at his phone periodically to keep track of the time. 

_Ding_

He hurriedly swallowed a sip of coffee as his snatched the irritatingly small device from the counter. 

_Mara_

_Sending you a reminder for your 11:30 meeting with Snoke today._

His jaw tensed, an anxious tick he had yet to rid himself of as he considered if he should respond. His thumb pressed to the screen, accidently moving back into the hull of messages where his eyes immediately fell to _hers_.

He hadn't saved her number, he refused to allow himself, but it didn't really matter. He knew it anyway; her message, free of any casualties or qualifiers only confirming her identity. 

_'We need to talk.'_

...

With a mostly clear mind, Ren made his way from his office to the lecture hall. Periodically, he thought he saw her out of the corner of his eye, the ghost of his mistakes coming to haunt him but he knew that was stupid. 

Because she was always in class before him, always in the same seat, usually with a pen perched between her perfectly soft lips.

At first he'd thought she did that on purpose, to draw him into her but he quickly realized it was just a nervous habit, one of many in fact. All of which seemed to have something to do with her mouth...something he wanted to put to-- _no._

His eyes immediately found the back of her head as he stepped through the doorway. She was hunched over--probably writing something. He scanned the room as he did every day, somewhat irritated that there always seemed to be at least two or three other students in here with her. If he could just get her alone in here, just 20 minutes, then maybe they could talk it out without things going too far...at least, that's what he'd like to think.

Kylo made his way to his desk, setting his satchel down as his eyes quickly glanced up at her. His intuition had been correct, the tip of her pen dancing across the page as she scribbled something down, pausing only momentarily when she felt his eyes on her. That's when he noticed that the seat that usually sat empty behind her was occupied. A guy--Dameron he believed his name was--his chin nearly resting on her shoulder. Heat began to roil in Kylo's gut as he watched them from the corner of his eye--her leaning back towards him, handing him whatever she had written down. Them whispering back and forth.

He ripped his gaze away, trying to force his mind to focus on his lecture but he couldn't help it. His hands moved on autopilot as he set up the day's supplies while his eye drifted back to them. The exchange of flirtatious smiles, her biting down on her lower lip....

He didn't mean to but he slammed his gradebook down, her body startling at the sudden noise.

_Shit. Get ahold of yourself, Ren._

...

"I need everyone to hand down their essays please," he said as he wrote today's topic on the whiteboard, taking a breath before turning back to sit as his desk. 

Ren didn't pay much mind to the soft scratch of papers being collect or the quiet shuffle of steps that were drawing closer...until he saw her. 

His attention snapped to hers, the surprise of her suddenly standing so close besting him, if only for a millisecond. 

_Of course it's her._

"Here," her voice was quiet but still seemingly thick with what he could only describe as disgust. 

Panic, a flash of blinding white light, ripped through Kylo's chest. 

_Had he really fucked things up with her that badly?_

_Why does he fucking_ care _so much? It'd be_ easier _if she hated him, it's what he should want._

"Thank you," he said, nodding his head towards the desk, not wanting to risk even accidental physical contact.

Without a word, she set the stack of essays down and scurried away, Kylo forcing his focus to stay on the last few notes he was writing out for his lecture. 

_He just needed to get through this class. And then maybe...he could find a way to talk to her._

...

"Nichols states in his book that if we go down to a _biological_ level, we find pleasure and pain to be the mainsprings of action," Kylo felt himself sinking into his groove, words flowing effortlessly from his lips as he addressed the class. "And as you continue to rise through the ranks of _ethics_ and _society_ that the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain stays a _staple_ of the human experience."

His eyes raked over the class, bouncing from student to student before landing, however briefly, on her. 

_She's not paying attention._

"Later in that same passage," he continued, walking back to his desk to glance at his notes, "he says that while these things may not be the _whole_ of life...if you leave them out, life no longer seems to have any meaning."

_Did she just fucking roll her eyes?_

Kylo took a breath before continuing, trying to be conscious of not staring as her and Dameron were practically hanging all over each other. 

"But this isn't psychology and I'm not Freud. So how does any of this relate to what we're here to discuss. History?" Ren stepped closer to her, placing his hands in his pockets as he kept an ear trained on her. She was just blatantly not listening at this point, apparently more interested in whatever her and Dameron were whispering about.

"I hope I'm not... _interrupting_."

Kylo watched his voice cut straight to her core as she lifted her eyes to meet his. Her wide... _beautiful_ eyes...

"Sorry," she mumbled, keeping her gaze glued to him, seemingly in defiance. 

Not one to back down, he stepped minutely closer, Dameron sinking into his seat as Kylo kept her locked in his stare. 

"Pleasure and Pain in a historical context, please," he said flatly, crossing his arms, watching as her eyes momentarily flickered to the veins on his forearm.

_It took everything in him not to smirk._

"What?" there was a quiver in her voice. He could practically _see_ her getting angry. 

"Why are we bothering with this topic," Kylo said, crossing back to his desk, before turning back to look at her. "What is it about--"

"It's obvious, what else has shaped our history in such a profound way? Sex and death and heartache, it's all integral to the human experience and human experience is what shapes our history...so..." Ren had to actively _try_ not to be impressed. She's a smart ass...keyword being smart. Especially for someone who had the nasty habit of never fucking paying attention in his class. She always seemed to manage to materialize these detailed explanations out of thin air. 

"I mean," she continued, "King Henry--King Henry the 8th didn't get married 6 times because he was _bored_ . He was scared, he was in pain--he wanted to secure a legacy. Chasing his pleasure at the cost of anyone and _everyone_ who had the misfortune of getting in his way...and because of that, he had a profound effect on England, religion....Without pain, pleasure has no meaning and vice versa. Of course that has an impact on our history."

He had to admit...slightly off topic but...he was impressed. Annoyed...but impressed.

"Thanks for that... _insightful_ tangent," Ren quipped, turning his attention to the rest of the class. "but she's correct, what is history if not a documentation of the human experience?" 

Kylo made the conscious decision to leave her alone for the rest of class, the anger and disdain in her voice from earlier sitting in his gut like a rock. 

He had to admit, he was proud of how the lecture went. It was nice to actually be here in his chosen field being able to challenge his mind in this way. It made him feel powerful, like all his hard work under Snoke, all the sacrifices he's made...were actually worth it. 

"I'll have these graded and handed back to you by the end of the week," he said, fingers tented on the stack of essays on his desk. "Class dismissed."

At that she practically dashed for the door, shoving her things in her bag and trying to slip past him...there was a heat in his throat, a flicker of longing in his chest that hated having to watch her walk away. 

_"I'll see you in class."_

_'We need to talk.'_

"Not you."

Kylo hadn't even realized they were his words until she stopped short, shoulders hunched by her ear as she slowly turned to face him. 

He moved to the front of his desk, trying to disguise his internal panic. He _literally_ had nothing to say to her...why on _earth_ did he call her over?

"Yes," she said, voice tense as she stepped far too close to be a coincidence. 

The faint scent of lavender and vanilla wafted to his nose, igniting the memory of her body pressed to his, the way her chest heaved against his as he held her close.

His body moved on instinct, bringing himself closer, desperate to savor her sweet scent. Rationality broke through his craving for a split second, his eyes darting to the last couple of people who were too wrapped up in their own stuff to notice what they were doing in the front of the room. 

Kylo leaned into her, trying desperately to maintain his control as he let whatever _non-lecherous_ thought came to his mind first, leave his lips. 

"If you keep making a habit of getting off topic and distracting the other students in my class...we're going to have a problem."

He felt her tense at the edge of his chest, her breath hitching as anger became audible in her throat. " _Excuse me?_ What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"You're a bright girl. Figure it out."

To be honest, he didn't fucking know either. Not like there was anything he could do about it...even if he wanted to. 

She stepped back and Kylo seized the opportunity to put some distance between them by rounding his desk. 

She stepped closer, filling the vacant space as her eyes shot daggers at him, "is that a _threat_...professor?" 

Well, there was no going back now...he said it'd be easier if she hated and apparently, that's what was going to happen. "Not a threat," his jaw tensing, not wanting to let the words past his lips. "... _a warning_."

She spun on him with a breathy, heated laugh, storming away with her fists clenched tight.

Kylo allowed himself one final glance before turning his attention back to his work, trying to ignore the heavy ache that was blooming in his chest.

_It'll be better this way._


End file.
